To be completely honest, I have no desire to write a blog post today.
So, why am I doing it then? Pretty much to just inform my current followers that a major change has happened in my life, and I need to take another break from blogging for a while.
I am so schedule-bound. That’s just a major part of my personality, so I have been feeling extremely obligated to keep up my Monday, Wednesday, Friday blog schedule. Well, I don’t know when I will pick the blogging back up, and I do not know what days of the week I will post on when I do. All I know is that the last month I have felt like there was something huge missing from every one of my blog posts. I really couldn’t put my finger on it, but I kept feeling like nothing was worthy of publication. Then, I finally realized what it was. My healing was missing.
Here I was telling all these people to “just do it” when that is so not the common way. Who just heals from such trauma so easily? I am quite sure it is possible, but that is not my story. Here I was thinking I was this example of a miracle and expecting everyone else to believe they could be too, but who can relate to that!? No one. Pretty much no one. And guess what? I was talking in such a way, because I was truly believing it! It wasn’t until this last week that I realized how much I have just been shoving things down (which I am apparently a super expert at), instead of allowing things to flow as they will. Boy, I have been an emotional wreck. It’s like shards of the past many years of my life have finally been given the freedom to shoot up and out in all these different areas of my being all at once! I am quite sure I will sleep like a baby over the next few days. So, what is my concentration right now? To strip myself of this superhero complex and just heal! That is what I need. I am waking up to that fact now, and that is good. It is also good that I started this blog already, so I can continue taking others on this journey with me. I feel like this is a crucial important move to make so publicly. How many of us feel like we are 100% cured, but aren’t? Once again, I don’t know when I will continue writing, but I will do what I need to do for me. It’s about time I start!