There are many things I have pondered in my adolescence. I have always been gifted with the ability to place myself in others’ shoes and it has blessed me with a great capacity for empathy. Well, I don’t know how or where I heard, in my childhood, of different stories of people who had suffered physically as children, but I just did. I thought that something I would have the ability to endure well was a physical ailment – even death. There were
several other instances that I would deeply imagine myself undergoing, and feel as though they would be trials I could withstand. That may sound strange to you, but that is simply what I did. Well, as I got older, I realized there were two trials, in particular, that I never wanted to experience…ever. Those two were physical abuse from a partner, and intimate betrayal (infidelity). As cliché as it may be, never say “never.”
I was young and dumb. I am not being unkind to myself, I am just being real. I was. I was seventeen years old, ignorant, and selfish. I made dumb choice after dumb choice after dumb choice, and within due time I reaped the consequences. You can only let someone take advantage of you so many times before they do the worst to you that they are capable of. I was struck many times, one night, by a man who was physically larger and stronger than I was…and with alcohol in his system it probably made it a lot worse than if he would have been sober… I did not find out until much later that during our partnership he had intimate relations with a girl he worked with as well. Thank goodness I left shortly after both the known and unknown occasions.
Years later, I changed my ways. I decided to sober up and be a God-fearing woman! Life was beautiful, and I felt more blessed than ever before! I got married to the only man I have ever had such strong feelings for for such a long portion of my life. Then, I felt even more blessed! Everything was perfect! …Or was it…
You know those crazy stories you hear of a couple getting married and then the night of the wedding the man shows his “true colors,” and he is completely different than the façade that he put on to “get the girl?” Well, that is how I felt…
It only took six months until my second relationship ever became worse than my first! And there was no drugs or alcohol involved!! I suppose mental infirmities are worse than induced ones… Not only was I abused quicker than in my past relationship, but I found out that he too was unfaithful. It was stated that my husband had sexual relations with another during our companionship as well, though he did not confess to it. None the less, isn’t it funny how none of the news of immoral relations ever comes out until way after the fact? At least, that has been my experience.
Conclusively, earlier on in this passage I stated the well-known cliché “never say ‘never.’” Well, we all do, and that is okay. Yes, here are two of the four things that I really never wanted to happen in my life, but God does not give us more than we can handle. He knows better than I, and He gave me something that would allow me to step out of my comfort zone. Though it would be incredibly easy for me to have hate in my heart for both men who hurt me so badly, especially since circumstances that I never wanted happened to me twice in my lifetime, and both under completely different circumstances than each other, I instead have a broadened understanding.
I have learned so much from my husband. I have learned how important and crucial it is to parent your children correctly. And because I learned that regarding his upbringing, it helped me to also understand my ex’s. Darkness and sin gets passed on from generation to generation, as well as does the light. Sometimes there is one strong enough to push through the darkness and find the light to free their past generations of the sin on their heads. Conversely and unfortunately, sometimes there is one born into a wonderful family who simply chooses another way, and cuts themselves and their future posterity from their pure roots.
There are a couple lessons to be learned. If there is something you absolutely never wanted to experience, and you were blessed with that trial anyway, think of it as such – a blessing – because you have no idea how much you can learn from it if you change your attitude from enraged frustration to forbearing comprehension. And secondly, be a man or woman who walks in the ways of all righteousness now. Whether you have children of your own yet or not, you can make a difference in not only your children’s lives, but also your posterity for generations to come, if you can but choose to be a righteous person. If you exalt yourself in such a way, you will be blessed for parenting your children the way God intended. …So help you if you choose the opposite… None the less, it is never too late to change. Make the change now. You and your future family will be so glad you did.