Author: Erin Mueller
My story isn’t all too glamorous, but I sure have overcome quite a bit to get where I am today.
I got married at the young age of nineteen. I really was just looking for a love that would fill the void my family left in me. I needed to get away from them – I needed a change. So, I moved out of state, quit my job, and quit school, all to find something to make me whole. Unfortunately, my marriage left me feeling empty as well. Apparently that was not the answer to my problems. I still had the void, and nothing was filling it. I just wanted love! Well, my desperation left me looking for it in all the wrong places. Of course, my marriage ended, so I decided to turn my focus elsewhere. I decided to concentrate on a career instead! I turned my focus to my job in law enforcement. What I really wanted to do was to serve as a police officer in the streets. But…I guess that couldn’t work out for me either…
My dream of serving and protecting was dashed by a man who I am quite sure hated me because I was a woman in “a man’s field.” I came home bruised and hurting to a family that never really seemed to care. I battled a depression as dark as depression can get. I felt hopeless and empty, like my life had no purpose; no meaning; no use. And, the fact that I was unemployed and going nowhere fast didn’t really help me too much either. But, one day I decided that something needed to change.
I felt like such a broken a person that I really didn’t know where to start, but I knew I had to change something – anything! So, I decided to make two major changes: first, I decided to go back to school and finish what I had started, and second, I decided to go to church (which was never a part of my upbringing and a major surprise to my family once I began). I started attending church in 2012, and took upon
myself the name of Christ, in the holy waters of baptism, on August 18th, 2013. A short two months after that, the pastor of my campus asked me to share my testimony with our congregation. The thought of it was quite terrifying to me, considering over 10,000 people attended that church. “Was my story really worth sharing?” I would ask myself. On my drive home from a job interview, within a short time after being asked to share my testimony, I debated my answer. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I would do it, and relayed that to him. So, I agreed to it, thinking to myself that I could not really give back to the church, financially speaking, but maybe I could pay it forward spiritually.
I shared my testimony with the large congregation, and then on my way home from church I saw a massive rainbow arching over the freeway, and I remembered the symbolism. That rainbow was a sign of God’s promise. I felt comforted and knew everything would be alright.
Two months after I shared my testimony, I was offered the job I had been praying for. And now, in a few short months I will be graduating with honors from the school I left back in 2005. And, next week I’m interviewing for my dream job!
The greatest lesson I have learned from all this is not to seek love, but to create it. God loves us! It is up to us to spread it around. And, it is up to us to first learn to love ourselves the way He does. We must learn to love ourselves.