6 December 2015
It is way past my bedtime, and I am still awake. I am on my second movie for the evening, because it is my escape. Today was rough for me. It started out that way. A couple nights ago I accepted a friend request on Facebook from an attractive fellow. He messaged me and we went back and forth with conversation for about an hour. It was okay, but I got curious who he really was. I looked at his profile information and he had the same birthday as Wesley – not the same year, but the same date. Everything was too coincidental. He said he was from Georgia, which is where Wesley graduated from boot camp. He said his wife died a couple years back, but left him with a daughter – his “angel.” And he too was in the army.
I am really not interested in guys right now, but it would have been nice to have a normal conversation with a normal person. His Facebook account was so new and all his information was so suspicious that the only thing to do that truly felt right was to unfriend and block him. I recently found out that Wesley had been kiting in jail. Kiting means… actually, I just tried looking it up. Apparently it is called “flying a kite.” I found the definition at UrbanDictionary.com. So, it means “mail sent to or from jail, for or from inmates. It is their basic means to keeping contact with those on the outside.” “…It also may contain details on who someone wants to be killed…” Wow… I should not have looked up the definition… Anyway, I recently found out that Wesley had been doing that where he is. …Now I am really freaked out. This is what happened earlier! I just think it sucks that I cannot even have a normal conversation with a stranger! I have to worry about someone posing as a person that doesn’t exist! I have to be careful of guys trying to manipulate me on the internet! Was it a “friend” of Wesley’s? I hate fear. I never want to live in fear, and as much as I try to give Wes the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea what he is capable of! My mind is not in a good place today.
After blocking that strange man on Facebook, I tried to see if I was just being paranoid. I Google searched his name and nothing came up with similar
images. He really was a fraud! I am so glad I trusted my instincts. But, then I got curious about Wesley… I hadn’t searched his name in a while, so I wanted to take a look. And, up popped a cropped photo of him on our wedding day!!! What the heck!? I clicked on it and it brought me straight to a news article. Like, the latest one. Since when did it become okay for them to use one of my photos of him!? I don’t even have those photos up anymore! This is not okay. It made me so upset. Once again, I got a wake up call.
People everywhere can read about my personal life, and they can do it whenever they want. And this is why I am so glad I am writing a blog. I have been too silent for too long, and everyone else who is associated with him has been saying whatever they want to. It is a bit unnerving for me. It was explained to me in perfect words tonight when I was venting to a loved one. “It doesn’t really affect any of their lives. That may sound a bit insensitive, but it doesn’t. They wake up in the morning, and nothing is different. This has affected your life forever.” It couldn’t have been said better. Do you think it is easy for me to be so temperate!? It isn’t! Sometimes I really want to just be like others, and vent a little on Facebook, and get the “woe is me” attention. That would have really helped me today. But, when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I wanted to just be a tiny bit open about the negative emotions I was feeling today nobody commented. Where were my commenters when I needed them most!? So, I took it down and posted something more positive. That sure got a different response. No one wants to hear anything negative from the positive girl. I am still a person guys. I was just trying to keep it real. I can’t heal properly without my bad days. Whatever though. I chose this. I chose to be the inspirational one, so I have to keep it up. Oh well, I know it will all pay off in the end.
~ Tiana Swank ~